Sometime I don’t know why I bother. I spend months trying to craft some original words to make people think or laugh, then I realise that I’d be far better off just copying out some words from OK! magazine.
Incidentally, I’m keen to point out at this stage that we don’t actually subscribe to OK! magazine. In fact, I’m loathe to do anything to line the pockets of Richard Desmond, but OK! and Hello! magazines are very much the reading matter of choice in our toilet. These are delivered to the house every week by Mrs Emu, who works on Mondays as a nurse, bringing people back to a state of consciousness. A heroic profession indeed, although slightly marred by knowing that these are the very people that go out and buy OK! and Hello! by choice, so perhaps a kinder choice would be to leave them asleep.
Anyway, onto the interview, billed as a World Exclusive with Katie and Leandro. Here are my favourite extracts:
OK!: How do you handle the language barrier?
Katie: It’s intuitive, like it is with me and Harvey sometinmes. You could talk to Leo and he wouldnt understand you…but we connect. In the car I’ll think, I bet he wants his glasses, just before he asks for his glasses.
Leandro: The connection we have is so intense. Like sometimes I’ll be sitting and moving my head from side to side and she will know I’m looking for the remote control.
OK!: Can you say a sentence in Spanish?
Katie: Like what?
OK!: Maybe something like ‘Could you please pass the toast?’
Katie: No, because I don’t like toast normally
OK!: Katie, have you ever considered dating, rather than going headlong into relationships?
Katie: To me, dating is going to dinner and sleeping with people. I’m not into that.
Honestly, it’s all true. Steal a copy of OK! next time you pass by a Psychiatric ward and see for yourself.
Next week: Fidor Dosteovsky writes about the Ramones.
* I believe this to be a real headline, around January 2011
The Emu 